As a person who has been a part of the MUN circuit for more than three years, I have enough experience—and trauma—to talk about the nostalgia felt by most munners. It also explains why most munners, including me, are in dire need of therapy. These experiences include coming across the annoying tactics of Aitchisonians, classic JT bachas , and annoying Markhors in your committee. If you belong to a group other than the ones mentioned above, then my child you might also experience much-dreaded bias in closing ceremonies and the abject reality of rigged awards (still salty about how I got snubbed).
That nostalgia can come in very different forms (crippling anxiety in crowds, a fear of speaking up in front of a room full of egoistic men, and chitpads scattered in every nook and cranny of my room) but we will be focusing on some of the pearls of wisdom our fellow munners grace us with:
1. ‘There are three types of seas; red sea, black sea and hypocrisy’
We get it, you’re trying your best to attract the dias’ attention, but please stop with the cringe rhetoric. You might always come across delegates who strongly believe in the fact that such rhetoric is going to get them the coveted Best Delegate award but what they don’t realise is that every delegate plans on chucking them through the nearest window after hearing it. Hearing this one line, in particular, might even coerce you into using it in your speech next time because peer pressure rocks. To that, we say: Resist the cringe!
2. The Pen Rule during Unmoderated Caucuses
The so-called diplomatic delegates have the tendency to use the ‘pen rule’ during unmods (abbreviation of unmoderated caucus for all of you uncultured lovelies who have not yet given in to the cobweb circuit of MUNs) to get extra points from the chairs. The truth is, these delegates use this tactic to speak for the entirety of the unmod and never allow anyone else to share their opinions. An experienced MUNner will roll their eyes when they hear a delegate saying, ‘Everyone lets come together in a big circle. And let’s use the pen rule.’ My advice is to ignore and never barge into their circles and proceed to talk to (read: prey on the weakest) the first timers.
3. ‘Point of parliamentary inquiry’ used by that One Annoying DelegateTM
Every committee has one delegate that uses a point of parliamentary inquiry every five minutes. A few hours into the committee and you’ll want to use cotton balls for your bleeding ears. Such a delegate brigade is also hated the most and that can be proven during entertainment sessions (the ones who know, know).
4. Not eating anything throughout the day
Chachu Fries (OG food stall) is the only good part about MUNs. I remember sacrificing my breaks at every MUN to write working papers, draft resolutions or just lobby. This is also when your delegation regroups and all of you decide to share a cup of fries because no one has the time to eat properly. Going an entire day without having breakfast or lunch is on the MUN bingo of every MUNner . I recommend keeping protein bars or chocolate in your bag to have enough energy to debate.
5. The closing ceremony
‘I was in eighth grade when it dawned upon me to be a part of the executive council of this MUN. I would like to thank the entire management for making this event a success.’ We do not care about your emotional write-ups and sob stories about the event: we just need the award. The management should be more considerate about people’s priorities during closing ceremonies because no one is paying attention to drawling speeches. The nostalgia after hearing the first line of the first speech is enough for you to want to dig a hole and lie in it to escape the next hour.
Furthermore, it is important to shed light on the two types of delegates during such closing ceremonies: the ones who know that they will be crying after (or during) the closing ceremony, and the ones who are waiting for the food because ‘paisay pooray kr ke jaana hai.’ I, for one, have always been the latter delegate because, honestly, most of the MUNs nowadays have already decided awards. The best way to overcome such sadness is by overfilling your plate, thinking this might be enough compensation for 3 days worth of time and energy.
The secret behind living a happy and long life is to stop doing MUNs. You do not want to be traumatized by a specific niche of delegates and the award ceremonies. Nevertheless, I am always here if you want to rant about MUNs, maybe try finding me there cus’ I’ve already gambled away my happy life.
By Mahnoor Tabassam – Guest Writer